March 25, 2010
“To listen well, is as powerful a means of influence as to talk well, and is as essential to all true conversation”. - Chinese Proverb
“Knowing what others have said and meant to say and leaving people comfortable that they have had their say” is how Michael Lombardo and Robert Eichinger define listening in their book “For Your Improvement”.
It does not necessarily mean you agree with what was said, but rather that you used the basic listening skills which are:
- You didn’t interrupt
- You are able to paraphrase
- You listened for underlying meaning
- You are accepting of differing views
Yet, how often have you had a discussion, meeting, phone call, etc when the basic skills appeared to have been used by others but you felt you weren’t really “heard”?
Or worse, that others were assuming you were actively listening and when the conversation ended you were unclear as to the message, weren’t really sure what was committed to, or maybe that you had completed your shopping list instead of being truly engaged?
You may be surprised to learn that the most common listening problem is that:
We listen intently to some, neutrally to others, and not at all to a few.
Give it a minute to let it sink in. Can you identify individuals that you seem to always be fully engaged with and others that you have the inclination to “tune out”? You’re not alone!
You know HOW to listen, but you turn it on and off. Here are some tips to help you maintain your focus:
- Keep your mouth closed (It’s felt that if your mouth is open your ears will close)
- Keep eye contact (this helps with attention levels)
- Take notes (this will help with paraphrasing)
- Don’t frown and fidget
- Let the person know if you have accepted or rejected what they have said and the rationale why
Additional tips include:
- Don’t suggest words or finish sentences when a pause occurs
- Listen, don’t solve or judge
- Ask probing questions to obtain clarity
- Be aware of when “selective” listening is likely to occur ex.Age, skill, gender, relative, etc
- If time is an issue let the person know and schedule more time, or ask “let’s summarize what we’ve decided”
- Let the person know if more facts are required prior to decision making or for further discussions
- Be aware of your “non” listening behaviors ex. pencil tapping, raised eyebrows, blank stares, “zoning” out
Communication is one of the most important skills to be successful personally and professionally and by following these tips, misunderstandings will be minimized.
What can you do to be a more effective communicator?
Sincerely,
Michael W. Kublin
Jan Mayer-Rodriguez
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“You can observe a lot by just watching”. – Yogi Berra
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For more information about PeopleTek visit our website
http://www.peopletek-coaching.com
Or contact:
Mike Kublin
email: mkublin@peopletekcoaching.com
phone: 1.888.565.9555 x711
or
Jan Mayer-Rodriguez
email: jan@peopletekcoaching.com
phone: 1.888.565.9555 x712